We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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