ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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