is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
