if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
