I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
