Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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