Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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