this just has baby written all over it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize