just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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