next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
