I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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