come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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