I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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