Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
