At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
