apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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