just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
