I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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