A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
