so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
