i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
