those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
