i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
