Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
