the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
