just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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