just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
