my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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