so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize