my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think a kid would responsible me up
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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