She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
