his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
