i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
