"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Soap is not a condiment
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
sex in a hospital.. check
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
