i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
