Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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