Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
