Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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