Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
