More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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