Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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