We're facebook friends in real life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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