Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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