Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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