she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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