actually, I'm a sock model
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
