How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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