I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
