Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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