Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
