just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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