Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
