I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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