He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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