a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
