The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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