I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
