finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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