I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize