He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
