I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize