Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bring money and cleavage
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize