Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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