What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
