so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
