puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
