New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize