Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
