At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
