just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
