its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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