Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
