OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize